Keeping the Sparks Alive

By Virginia Moreno

Whether you are married, living together, or dating do you find yourself wondering what happened to the romance in your relationship? Do you find yourself giving more and receiving less or arguing about unimportant things instead of cuddling, having candle-lit dinners together, going for walks, conversing over soft classical music or laughing about life in general?

You are not alone. Many couples find themselves feeling neglected by their loved one. What causes the shift after the dust has settled from the novelty of the relationship or after the honeymoon is over? Where does love go? In working with couples, I have found that it is important to have a Relationship Plan similar to a mission statement. It is important to have a plan to avoid falling into the monotony of life and keeping the sparks well lit by making time for each other.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

1. Do not expect your loved one to be responsible for your happiness. Too many couples hold their loved one responsible for their own happiness. Your life is only under your control. You are responsible for your thoughts and your feelings 100 percent of the time.

2. Agree to Disagree. Your partner has the right to disagree with you. He or she does not have to think like you do. Both of you are entitled to your own opinions.

3. Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants from each other. Clarify as needed and never assume that your partner can read your mind. Communicate with your partner what each of you wants in the area of romance. Remember that in the bedroom there is no room for headaches; reminisce about the early stages of your romance and enjoy the moment.

4. Create a romantic date. Go ahead and surprise your loved one by taking the initiative in creating your ideal romantic date. Enjoy every moment of your plan, let your imagination run wild and have fun. For example, you may want to have a theme or simply watch a romantic movie while having a special meal. Remember to turn off your cell phone. There are many books at the bookstore to help you with ideas or check the Internet. This is your time to be creative, allow yourself permission to feel sexy and have fun.

These are just a few ideas to help keep the sparks alive in your relationship. Healthy relationships require communication, realistic expectations of each other, compromising, having a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself. Most importantly, remember that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

May your relationship grow stronger every day. Remember to laugh often and thank your loved one for the things he or she does. In couples counseling one learns techniques on keeping the romance and the sparks alive at any stage of the relationship. May your sparks never die.